Mom-guilt plays on emotions like no other.

It relentlessly feeds words of failure, shame, and condemnation.

We all know how mother’s are super, but if there was a kryptonite for superwomen, it would be “mom guilt”.

I’ve yelled at my daughter more times than I care to admit. I’m not proud of my reaction.  I’m more ashamed, really.

My daughter is a creative and an out-of-the box thinker.  But what has been trying my patience is her “go with the flow” tendencies.  If you’ve ever read the book, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”, my daughter would be that mouse.  Always sidetracked and exploring, this mouse gives her friends a run for their money by taking them on a fun adventure.

Well, fun adventure is not the first thing that pops into my mind.  What pops into my mind is, “time wasting”, “distractions”, or “lack of motivation”.  I perceive it as disobedience because she’s not doing what I’ve asked her to do.

Then, that’s when the “mom guilt” sets in.  Thoughts of being a monster of a mom who barks at her children like a drill sergeant and stomps on any creative expression like Godzilla.  Ugh.  I feel terrible.

I personally take my character and begin to fire at it like a firing squad, focused on the target, ready to fire.  Thoughts like, “You’re such a bad person”, “You’re so fake”, “You are an angry person and you will never be anything different”, “You don’t care about your kids”, “You’re selfish”…..the list goes on and on.

How many times have we done that to ourselves, moms?  We knowingly place ourselves on the other end while we stand and fire at ourselves with comments that are not even life giving, but condemning?  I’m disappointed to say that I’ve placed myself there way too many times.

So it begs to question, why do I get so frustrated and have so much anger when I’m parenting?

A Different Perspective

I’ve recently picked up this book called, “Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions For Gentle Biblical Responses” by Amber Lia & Wendy Speake.  It always amazes me how good God is.  It’s like He knew I needed this book and so He placed it in my path so I could read it.  Here’s a truth bomb for you: God knows what we need and He will go to great lengths to get it to you.

In this book, the very first chapter is titled Disobedience.  Okay, God, thanks for REALLY knowing what I need.  I had just yelled at my daughter after many attempts addressing her disobedience.

You would think that a title like Disobedience would start off with some kind of judgement like, “Children who are disobedient need to be disciplined.”  It was quite the opposite.

The chapter talks about God’s compassion, mercy, and grace.  He is the God of chances.  He is the God of grace.  He doesn’t condemn.  He went as far as dying on the cross just to reconcile us, sinners, to Him.

I love this quote from the book, “Iron fists chisel stony hearts, but graceful hands shape responsive hearts.”  Isn’t that so true?  What drew me to the cross was not the message of “change your life or you’ll go to hell”.  It was the message of “He loves me so much to die for me.  I want this love.”  It would be wrong to think that our children would strive under that kind of “iron fist” discipline.  But, if we are led by the Holy Spirit, receiving His love, grace, and mercy, then we can demonstrate the same to our children and lead them to become obedient according to God’s standards.

And so this all began to speak to my heart.  Because for one, I did not position myself to receive God’s grace or mercy at that moment.  Instead, I was firing off negative thoughts towards myself.  I had to learn how to receive His Grace.  And as a result, I am able to give grace to my children.

In the first few paragraphs of the book, the author gives an example of a precious student she used to teach.  Her student’s goal was to pass the school’s P.E. requirements because she struggled in the past.  Her teacher felt in her heart to really pour into this student and began to encourage her by affirming her.

It came time for her P.E. test and her teacher decided to support her during her class break.  When she saw her student struggling to get across the finish line, she took off her heals, barefoot, and ran along side her on that field to encourage her to get to the finish line.

Parenting is much like that.  It’s like coaching.  A coach encourages, cheers, and leads in such a way that it always has your best interest.  A coach will challenge you, but not break you because their ultimate desire is to see you reach your full potential.

What caught me off guard is how much this chapter touched me.  I read the final sentence of that chapter and couldn’t help but cry because it was by no coincidence I needed to hear this perspective, especially in the place I was in.  I was in awe of God’s goodness to lead me down a path of grace, rather than shame, because not only was I worth it, but my kids are worth it too.

Moms, I just want to encourage you today.  God knows what we struggle with.  He knows our weaknesses.  But, I am convinced that He is so good to us that He would go to great lengths to show you His love, no matter how small it looks.  Because sometimes that small gesture or that small encouraging word is all we need to reset our hearts.

If you’re struggling through this season of parenting, I want you to know that you’re definitely not alone. Silence the lies of shame and condemnation by receiving God’s grace and kindness.  There is no condemnation.  There is no judgement.

You were meant to be the best mom to your children.  Your children are blessed because of all the good you’ve deposited into them.  You are equipped for this.

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