Back In The Saddle

Life has a funny way of taking you on all kinds of detours.  I don’t know about everyone else, but I feel like I took the tour bus rather than the speed train of life.

It’s been 5 months since I posted a blog. I was disappointed with myself because I didn’t follow the course I had set at the beginning of 2019.

I launched my blog in January 2019. I was on a roll, posting every week, reaching out to my audience on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I felt like I was on top of my game.  I was determined to make blogging work for me and, hopefully, with hard work and commitment, I would also experience the financial blessing.

Towards the beginning of February, I hit a major speed bump.  It wasn’t caused by outside distraction.  It was me.

As I was trying to grow my blog, I was also designing websites, working a part-time job from home, homeschooling, and taking care of a baby.

There were many days when I couldn’t do it all. Those were the worst because I felt like a failure. I felt like I failed my kids. Worst of all, I failed myself. The onslaught of negative thoughts were too much to handle.

Inside my thoughts, I found myself devaluing my worth, feeling highly disappointed with myself, overwhelmed, and just flat out exhausted.

And so I stopped blogging.  I felt like I needed to focus on my emotional well-being.  My mental wellness was not well at all and I recognized how it was affecting my overall outlook in life. Who am I to talk about equipping mom’s when I was struggling to equip myself?

I decided to seek council. I’m so glad I did because I experienced the amazing grace and love of God.

God had to show me how I was treating myself. I had a picture of me holding a bat and beating myself with it. It was heartbreaking.

If anything, I should’ve treated myself as a best friend would with understanding, encouragement, and affirmation.

But instead, I abused myself with negative and hurtful words.

That picture of me treating myself with no grace and no kindness stung my heart.

How is it when one of my dearest friend’s is feeling down and depressed, I encourage them, speak life into them, and wrap my arms around them to let them know it was going to be okay?  But when I’m feeling that way, I spoke words of disappointment and disgust over myself.

It was clear that I had such a low perception of who I was.  It wasn’t until God showed me, in His loving kindness, who I really am.

I am His daughter. He is delighted in me. He goes to great lengths to see me walk in freedom and the fullness of who He created me to be.  He loves me. And He gives me strength in my weakest moments.

I love what 2 Corinthians 12:10 says in The Passion Translation, “So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.”

My weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.

Friends, your weakness is not a disadvantage. It is an opportunity for God’s power to flow through and in you.

It’s through God’s power that anyone, with the courage and humility, is able to get back on the saddle and try again.

I’ve chosen to get back on the saddle.

So this whole blogging thing may not have gone as I had planned. But if I had not walked through the hard stuff, I would not have gone through the healing that was needed in my soul.  The most important thing was growth.

Sometimes taking the tour bus instead of the speed train is necessary to discover all the hidden gems along the way.  So, go get back on your saddle.  🙂